Pregnancies almost never go to plan. And nor do the births of many babies. Most of us go into labour thinking we are going to be united with the baby we have been so eagerly waiting for, however, for some of our babies it isn’t always that straight forward. Some of these small yet mighty babies have to spend their first few days at NICU. Just like my son, who because of his low birth weight after my labour was induced at 36 weeks, ended up spending a week at the NICU.
During the last few appointments before my induced labour was scheduled, my doctor had mentioned about the possibility of my son spending a couple of days at the NICU. However, this was just a slight possibility and so last minute that we were not prepared. Not prepared for the transition, coming home without our baby or coping with a postpartum body of a new mum without a child close to her. So today I am sharing some tips with you if you already are or are going to be an NICU parent. Things that I learnt through my experience and wish I had known earlier.
Our NICU days:
After the initial couple of minutes of skin to skin contact following the beautiful birth of my baby boy, the neonatal specialist took him away for checking his vitals. Along with my husband, the decision to move him straight away to NICU was made. My baby was showing signs of having difficulty breathing and needed close monitoring, specially being so small. While I was being helped to change out of my blood soaked delivery gown and get cleaned up, my husband took care of the admission process for my son. Upon returning after an hour or more maybe, he mentioned that our son was indeed at the NICU, but not in a closed incubator. That he did have tubes in his nose to help him breathe, but assured me he was doing well and better than some of the other babies in there. We had the option to visit him whenever we wanted, and I definitely wanted to see my boy before being shifted from the delivery suite to the maternity ward. Hurting from the pain of just having delivered a baby, I sat on the wheelchair and made my way to the NICU room to see my baby. I don’t think I will ever forget the room, but most importantly I will never forget how I was made to feel as I arrived. As if I was instantly recognised, the assigned nurses and specialist doctors made their way towards us and led my husband and I to where our son was, also pulling up a chair for me to sit on. With atleast 8 babies in the room, all I could hear were various beeping sounds coming from all the machines. Our son lay asleep on the heated radiant warmer, wearing nothing but a nappy, with a nasal tube going into his nose, another taped to the corner of his open mouth and a pulse oximeter attached to the sole of his right foot. Seeing him this way was utterly difficult and I was doing my best to fight back the tears that were ready to roll down. The doctors spoke to us about his stability, about how he must learn to regulate his body temperature and a lot more, but it was difficult to take in so much new information so quickly. I did ask about feeding him my milk, because I was yet to nurse him, give him all the goodness of colostrum; the gold liquid. However, I was told that I would have to wait before I could directly nurse him, and that they had in fact, with my husband’s permission, started him on a special formula milk. I was offered an empty milk bottle and asked to hand express my milk which would then be fed to my baby via the tube. None of this I was prepared for. None of it felt familiar even though this was my second baby. And so, after staying for a little while, it was time to leave. Leave my little baby all by himself, with kind strangers, who promised they’d look after him. I said a little prayer for him, squeezed my husband’s arm a little tighter, sat back in the wheel chair with an empty milk bottle in my hand and thus began our NICU journey.
How we survived the NICU days?
There were good days and tough days. Add to that a cocktail of hormones that were going through my body, making it one rollercoaster ride. Days when our son would be putting on weight through tube feeding, and days where he would struggle with bottle feeds due to his tongue tie. Days when I could see the volume of my expressed milk decreasing and days when I could feel uterine contraction as we worked on good latching. It was difficult, but you find ways to be strong. As cliched as it may sound.
Here’s some of the ways that you can make it through those difficult NICU days:
- Ask questions.
Ask whatever doubts you may have to any staff member at the NICU who you think can help you out. Anything to help you put you at ease is always good. I remember timing my visits to the NICU with the doctor’s morning rounds so that I could ask him directly about the well-being of my son. I had asked a couple of nurses to show me how to hand express before I was able to use the breast pumps, because that was something I had never done before . I asked questions about the well-being of my baby, the weight gain, the growth curve, and so much more. And honestly the staff at NICU are some of the kindest and helpful people.
2. Visit as much as you can.
Spending time with your baby, even getting some skin-to-skin (kangaroo care) is good for both of you. Luckily my husband started his paternity leave after my son’s birth, so even after I was discharged from the hospital, we used to come visit our son at the NICU atleast thrice a day. During this time, we familiarised ourselves with holding him, getting used to how small he was. We learnt about changing his nappy in the most gentle manner, about how to keep him clean, we talked to him and worked on good breast feeding techniques.
3. Eat healthy.
It’s quite simple- mummy eats well >>> mummy produces enough milk>> > baby grows well. I was blessed to have my mum at home immediately after my son’s birth, and she made sure to feed me all kinds of homemade meals, that not only helped strengthen my body, but also ensured I was able to produce a good amount of milk supply. The milk that I expressed every 3 hours, and either froze or sent to NICU for feeding my baby. Make sure you eat well, snack healthy and keep yourself hydrated.
4. Breathe/Take a walk.
It can get overwhelming at times. One day your baby will be ticking all the boxes and showing great signs of progress, and other days it can feel like you’ve hit a speed bump. Trust the NICU team and know they are doing everything in the interest of the baby. So, in the mean time, give yourself a break, and walk out for a little bit. Once you will be home with your baby, you will be caring for him/her 24/7, so while your baby is in safe hands of a trusted team, make the most of it. I remember the day we were adviced to go ahead with a tongue-tie removal procedure for my 4 day old son. It came as a shock, specially because he was doing so well with his feeding. Naturally, we panicked, worried about various things- the procedure, the anaesthesia, his recovery etc. However, we trusted the doctors there and after speaking to them, getting some fresh air and some time to think about the necessity of this procedure, we decided to go ahead with it.
5. Don’t believe everything you read online.
Easier said than done right? With access to internet at the tip of our fingers, it is so easy and so convenient to read what’s online. However, not everything available online is written by a professional and/or with medical backing. Some of it may be opinions and some of it may be experiences and it’s not necessary that you will have a similar experiences. The stay at NICU can result in high levels of anxiety and if you still feel like you want to receive more information, about your baby’s condition, ask the doctors to guide you to trusted websites/sources of information.
6. Talk to other parents.
While our week long stay, we didn’t come across many parents at the NICU . Althought, whenever we did, we naturally exchanged smiles. Everyone looked too stressed with their own babies, and it felt hard to strike a conversation without invading their privacy. I did however, join a Facebook group about premature babies born in the country, and ‘talking’ there and hearing about other mums experiences, definitely helped. I do think, had our stay been longer, I would have opened up a little more with the other parents, because they definitely would better understand what you would be going through. At times better than your own family and friends.
7. Take care of yourself
Your mental state and your wellbeing is very important. Make sure you are getting enough rest and sleep at night. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t blame yourself for the situation of the baby. Take each day at a time and know you are already doing your best for your baby.
The journey as an NICU parent is tough, but it will soon be over. Learn to celebrate the small milestones while you are there. I wrote down everything that happened during the week long stay in my son’s baby journal. Because everything mattered, every gram of weight he put on and every medical test he aced. Keep your faith strong too. And yes, take lots of pictures. Because one day when your child will be all grown up, celebrating his/her birthday, you will want to look back and be reminded of a time when he/she was a small yet a mighty fighter baby.
Did you enjoy reading my posts? There’s more about my son’s birth story available on my Instagram page. Thanks for stopping by, and if you found this useful please share it on your social media pages.